The Grand Kiwi Farting Competition

The Grand Kiwi Farting Competition

Under International Rules of farting

To be held at the East German Farting Stadium

Fart off: 8:40 p.m.

Referees:

1 - Former Farting Champion (all classes) of Egypt and the Lebanon National Services.
2 - Wet Fart Champion of the UK and the Isle of Man.

Chairman: Still holds the World Record Duration Fart for 9 seconds (unbeaton after training on Pernod, Duck Eggs, Barm Cakes and Mushy Peas).

Rules:

When called, each competitor will step on the raised platform and must lower his/her trousers on the platform.

They will grip the Farting Post; any grip is permitted, one hand or both.

At a given signal from the senior referee, the competitor will commence to fart.

A SH*T IS IMMEDIATELY DISQUALIFIED!

Grading: Dry farts, long farts, wet farts, short farts, alternating long and short farts, rip-raps, bubbles and squeaks.

The referees will take into consideration the quality of all farts - strength, odour, posture of competitor, and grip used. Cushion dusters, planket rippers and thunder claps are admissible. Echo chambers will NOT be allowed.

After the final fart, a demonstration will be given by the World Champion farter. Also by a runner-up who came within 1 second of the 1976 World Championship, but was disqualified for sh*tting. The Thunder Box Farting Formation Team will give a display of formation farting.

The audience is requested not to fart during the competition as this upsets the referees.

The drinking of alcohol and the eating of peanuts are not permitted during the contest as this causes the arse to quiver, which distorts the farts, giving a false sound.